Mel’s Blog

Every relationship goes through some bad times. Like the time you caught him flirting when he thought you weren’t watching, or the time the ex called and left a sultry message on the machine, or the time when the two of you fought like angry reptiles when one of you decided it was okay to spend the bonus money on the latest turbo tool. Certainly, though, the most awkward and uncomfortable time in a relationship comes at the very end of it - the time when the two of you (or at least one of you) decides it’s time to divide the iTunes account and move on.

No break-up is easy, and many guys resort to some old standards when it comes to conversational gambits in the final moments. This will help you decode what his cutting lines truly mean.

"It’s not you; it’s me."
Translation: "It’s not me; it’s you."

One-third of men admit that they’re lying when they blame themselves for the demise of the relationship. Of course, they’re trying to soften the blow a bit - to ensure that you know you’re a great person, a caring person, a person who’s perfectly right… for someone else. After all, if you were the right one (for him), it wouldn’t matter whether his mind was somewhere in Iceland; he’d find a way to make it work.

"I’m not ready for a relationship right now."
Translation: "Whoa baby, slow down!"

Most guys - though they can come off as more desperate than a brewhound in a dry county - take their time testing the relationship waters. If a woman comes on too fast - with talk of futures, or of how she’s never felt this way before - then the man often will be likely to retreat. Fast. It’s not that he’s not ready for a relationship; it’s just that he’s not ready to decide whether "Mony Mony" should be in the second or third set of the reception playlist.

"Can I call you sometime?"
Translation: "If you’re ever lonely at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night…."

Well, he may or may not be that crass, but he is trying to keep the door cracked. If he’s the one who’s doing the ditching, then he’s (unfairly, mind you) trying to lead you to believe that a break will strengthen the possibilities of some kind of rekindled romance in the future. If he’s the victim, then he’s trying to hang onto any slim chance he may have in the future with you (or possibly one of your friends). Either way, check out this story and beware the drunk-dialing ex; professors have actually studied this and concluded it’s not without its pitfalls.

"I still care about you."
Translation: "Please don’t tell your friends I’m a jerk."

Truth is, he probably does care about you. Still cares that you do well, that you find someone, that you get what you want in life. But what he’s also saying is, please don’t tell all your friends to cross me off their lists. The relationship may be broken, but it’s a pretty big concern that his reputation remains intact.

If a guy’s behavior seems perplexing, sneak a glimpse into his mind with this eye-opening article about men, women and their breakups, "Get Over Her," by Greg Behrendt, the "Sex and the City" writer who also wrote the book He’s Just Not That Into You. Do you have other break-up stories, secrets and solutions? Please share them with the rest of us here.