Archive for December, 2007

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN

Wednesday, December 12th, 2007

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE
: Actually I’d rather have the money.

HE: I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
SHE
: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE
: Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE
: I must’ve been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE
: Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE
: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out.
SHE
: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE
: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE
: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE
: Why? Don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE
: I’ve already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE
: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven’t I seen you some place before?
SHE
: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE
: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE
: I’m a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
SHE
: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE
: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
SHE
: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

How to Make A Woman Happy

Tuesday, December 11th, 2007

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY….A MAN ONLY NEEDS TO BE :

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

44. give her compliments regularly

45. love shopping

46. be honest

47. be very rich

48. not stress her out

49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO :

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT :

53. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :

1. Leave him alone