5 Important Ways to Build Strong Relationship
Wednesday, February 7th, 2007I’ve read thru this article, very meaningful, would like to share with u guys… check this out…
Even if you’re in a good relationship, you can’t help but wonder, What do they know that I don’t? And if you’re single, you might look at these couples and attribute it all to chemistry or destiny. But it turns out that people in great relationships live by a few basic rules—and make them a priority in their day-to-day lives together. Consider these habits that can help you create a strong, nurturing couple-hood.
- Great relationships are based on realistic expectations. Not Hollywood expectations. In other words, real relationships aren’t anything like what you see in the movies full of non-stop romance, candlelight and whirlwind trips to Paris. Being in love is not like falling in love, Dr. Phil says. “The myth too many people believe is that the ecstatic emotion that one feels when first falling for someone new is real love. But it is only the first stage of love and it is humanly impossible to remain in that stage.” Just because feelings change as time goes on and you don’t have those crazy fireworks doesn’t mean your feelings have to be less rewarding. John, a 37-year-old investment banker from Charleston, South Carolina, couldn’t get past the six-month mark in a relationship. “That’s when the spark seemed to fizzle a bit, and so I’d end it,” he says. “It wasn’t until I gave one relationship a bit more of a chance that I realized, yes the spark changes, but the next, more comfortable level of a relationship is amazing—it’s more intimate and honest. I realized you can’t stay at that infatuated heart-skipping stage forever and once I got past it, I realized what lies ahead can be even better.”
- Great relationships take work and thoughtfulness every day. People who are in successful relationships work on these partnerships regularly. They don’t just let them go along on cruise control expecting things to be fabulous. Ask yourself, “What can I do today to make my partner’s life better?” Little bits of effort every day will accumulate over time and make a difference. Think of small, specific ways to make your relationship better whether it’s picking up your partner’s dry cleaning, telling your mate know that you’re proud of him or her, or taking over a task he or she really doesn’t like. “Jake regularly will do things like wash the dirt off my headlights so I can see better when driving at night or bring home dinner when he knows I’ve had a stressful day at work,” says Claire, a 33-year-old executive assistant in Philadelphia. “I could do this stuff myself, but his doing it reminds me that he really cares about me and that he doesn’t take our relationship for granted.”
- Great relationships need communication know-how. It may look as if people in great relationships intuitively know what their partners need. But the truth is, “no one is a mind-reader so don’t expect your partner to be able to figure out how you’re feeling,” says Dr. Phil. When things aren’t perfectly in sync, couples in this kind of relationship know how to communicate. They know that instead of giving their partner a laundry list of what he or she is doing wrong, they can be specific about what it is that they want. They also make an effort to discover what their partner’s needs are. The best way for most people to do this is talk about it. Ask your mate what things are really important to him or her. Does he want to know you’re proud of him? Does she need to be able to express her sadness over a family situation without hearing how she ought to handle it? Revealing these intimate details — both the sharing and the listening — brings a couple closer.
- Great relationships turn negatives into positives. Instead of dwelling on the parts of your relationship you aren’t happy with or letting them upset you, “make them positive by turning the negatives into a to-do list,” Dr. Phil says. “Turn them into positive actions.” Ruminating and stewing about what’s wrong doesn’t do anyone any good. It just makes you more angry and resentful that things aren’t as good as they should or could be. “I was getting fed up that Sam was always late. One night he was thirty minutes late for dinner and all I wanted to do was make him feel terrible about it,” says Devon, a 35-year-old flight attendant in Dallas. “But I realized that would just ruin our night and wouldn’t get us anywhere. Instead I came up with a new rule for the future which was that we had to check in with each other by cell phone before we leave to meet up. It worked and now I’m never left waiting and stewing!” Similarly, if a lackluster sex life is the problem, think of three ways to improve it. If things feel a little boring in your relationship in general, make plans to see a show, take a trip or do something you haven’t done in a while.
- Great relationships have balance. Some people think that being in a great relationship means that you have everything in common and that you are attached at the hip. Wrong! In the beginning, you may want to do everything together, but as time goes on spending every second together can mean you stop doing things you and you alone enjoy like playing tennis because your partner never set foot on the court. “If you and your partner have a great common interest that makes the two of you happy, that’s fine. But the greater myth is that if you don’t have one you must find one in order to make the relationship more fulfilling,” Dr. Phil says. “That’s just not true at all. It’s wrong to think that there is something missing in your relationship if you don’t have common interests and activities.” People in great relationships realize that they have bonds that don’t have anything to do with a shared love of foreign movies or baseball. Their commonalities may be that they live together, have friends together, spend holidays together and worship together. “The important thing is that you not label yourself as deficient or having a less committed love because you don’t share common activities,” Dr. Phil says.
Now you know five important ways to build a strong relationship—put them to work and see if they can’t help you form better connections in the future.
